did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Houston, we have a squirter
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
