Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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