Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
