like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
