wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
