I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
