mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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