4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Drake has all the answers
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
