they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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