I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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