I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
