You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
