Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
