I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
