I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
