Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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