Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
