genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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