So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
