dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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