nut hugger
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
