I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I fill condoms, not promises.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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