Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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