I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
