You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
