The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
