I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
