So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
