I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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