your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
