After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
