found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
