somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
