did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
