guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
