i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just gift wrapped bread.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
