Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
