k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
