She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
