I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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