Duck Duck Cougar?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
