Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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