My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He passed out mid-signature
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
