I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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