she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
