YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I cut my penus on the lid.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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