i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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