theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
