dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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