he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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